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Porn’s Lies Exposed

13

August 6, 2012 by mattfradd


Last week I was interviewed on Catholic Answers Live about pornography’s lies. Here are some of the questions I answered:

“Once I overcome my pornography addiction, how do I never go back?”

“My husband is a recovering sex addict and a member of the military, and it seems to be a silent epidemic in his group — what can we do to help deployed soldiers who are struggling with pornography addictions?”

“What advice do you have for women who have struggled with pornography and think that no man will ever love them?”

“Is there any empirically based evidence that pornography leads to sexual abuse, crime, and rape?”

“How does the issue of pornography relate to Christian art that depicts naked people?”

“How do I help a friend who is not Catholic (Deist) overcome a pornography addiction?”

Click here to listen to the interview!

If you, or someone you know, is looking for some help in the battle, check out those three products on the right there, “The Man Talk,” “Taking Down Goliath,” & “The Ugly Truth.

13 thoughts on “Porn’s Lies Exposed

  1. Rachel says:

    Great interview Matt. I love Catholic Answers. Im so glad you talked about 50 shades of gray. As a woman im growing very worried for my friends, who I love dearly and always will, going on about this book. No matter how much I express my distatse for it and the desire to hear no more about it, they ignore me and go on anyway. Its got to be a wicked thing if its driving people to such distraction. They told me of how a newly marrried woman they know got picked up from work by her new husband and when she got in the car she didnt acknowledge him at all, didnt even say helo, because she was so engrosed in the book which she continued to read infront of him as he drove her home. My friends thought this was hilarious but it upset me deeply and I tried pointing out that its not funny at all, rather its actually quite horrible, it must’ve upset the bloke very much and the marraige could be damaged before its barely started. But once again I was ignored. Im deeply troubled for my friends, and all women, who enjoy this book. Me personally, I totally fail to see the appeal in being physically harmed and controlled. Pray, pray, pray!

  2. Lori8069 says:

    Unfortunately, the average woman’s sexual orientation already leans towards the masochistic, which is typically fed and re-enforced by romantic fantasy–so getting women to go hog-wild over a story like 50 Shades of Gray is the literary equivalent to shooting fish in a barrel.

    Women arousing themselves with this garbage is not good at all–because a woman’s ability to say “no” to all the men that are unworthy of them who will want to have sex with them during their lives (and unworthy to be their husbands, specifically) is absolutely essential for a healthy society, and healthy families that raise healthy children. So this type of fiction, like pornography, is only one more big, shiny nail in this society’s coffin.

    Many women have a hard enough time to begin with when it comes to picking out decent men for long-term relationships, without the cheap-thrill spectre of “romantic masochism” being thrown into the mix.

    You need better friends–because friends like these aren’t going to edify you, and you already know that you’re not capable of making them see the light, either. Having no friends is better than having bad friends every time. Anyone who really can’t hear you when you’re warning them about something as glaringly twisted as this book is aren’t following the Lord, like you obviously are.

    • Rachel says:

      What you say is true. The fans are absolutely crazy about Christian Gray and claim to want a boyfriend like him. Why? Its beyond me! Also Lori, thank you for your words of advice. Maybe it is a lost cause but I do pray they will see the light eventually. They need prayers like all women hooked on this lousy book and maybe one day they’ll become hooked on the Bible instead.

      • Lori8069 says:

        Rachel—

        Women claim to want love, but then will be ridiculously “good sports” and quickly settle for an imitation of real love (if it’s presented as romantic), even if the effect is essentially sadistic—pornography was supposed to originally be about admiring the beauty of the female body, as in “Please take off your clothes—you’re so beautiful we need to see you”, and then VERY quickly degenerated into “Let’s see how much humiliation you will tolerate”—and a perfect example of this is the first main-stream mass-consumed pornographic movies (I Am Curious Yellow and I Am Curious Blue), which were practically Disney movies of a young couple having normal, respectful sex which quickly turned into the “Let’s see you humiliated” of Deep Throat. Women don’t seem to care what kind of degradation they might have to experience, as long as someone doesn’t forget to include a “You’re so beautiful” in there at some point in the proceedings.

        This is why REAL men don’t see women going along with their own degradation as being ok, and know that women actually need men to stand up against the inevitable degradation of pornography, and say that it’s gone too far—for women’s sake. Feminism was originally supposed to be about women standing together against the desire of men to see them hurt or humiliated, to stand together against sexual sadism—but in the mid-80’s Ms. Magazine did a poll of their readers and found that the majority (a little over 50%) felt that the money that women could earn from being in pornography was more important than worrying about what sort of bad message pornography might be giving society as a whole—and now it’s very plain to see that telling women that they have the right to do whatever they want (or more like whatever someone else wants) to do with their bodies is the moral equivalent to giving 8-year-olds the right to have their own apartments, without any adult supervision, and then being stupidly surprised that every low-life in the vicinity sees them as irresistible targets.

        Women are voluntarily going along with their own denigration, and will no doubt be surprised when nearly all men won’t be able to see them as anything but perfectly worthless due to pornography, when it will unfortunately be way too late to repair the damage. The relationship between men a women is similar to the one between older boys and younger boys—where the younger boy is willing to be the one who gets tied to the tree out in the woods all night on the “Snipe Hunt”, as long as they’re getting invited to be part of the group somehow and aren’t being left out.

        I had a boyfriend in high school who asked me during a school dance to jump from a balcony 30 feet down into a stairwell—to prove my love for him—and he seemed totally serious. I told him I wouldn’t and he turned and walked off, like “If you don’t love me, then I don’t love you”. I went after him trying to explain that I would get seriously hurt, etc., and he said that he would do the same for me, to which I responded “But I wouldn’t want you to do it because I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt”, and our conversation went back and forth like this until he could see that my love for him was drying up before his eyes, which is when he eventually admitted to me that he was “just kidding”—after making me think he was 100% serious for 15 minutes.

        Men seem to need women to do things that will hurt them to “prove” their love, except that the more women seek to satisfy this need in men to see the denigration of women, the less respect the men can bring themselves to feel for them—so the “prize” women get for catering this “prove to me you love me” nonsense is that the men don’t have shred of respect for them when it’s all said and done. Do women who participate in SM games with men really think that the men admire them for their bravery or desire to do whatever it takes to “keep” their love? Do they actually think that these men talk among themselves in a respectful manner about their women—like admiring their dedication—because the reality of it is that it’s nothing more than a collection of scumbags who gloat over how incredibly stupid the women are, how entertaining it is to see what kind of degradation they’ll put up with, and how ridiculously easy it is to talk them into the next stunt.

        I’ll respond to CJRP in my next post–

  3. Lori8069 says:

    What an excellent interview, Matt–I hope they have you back!

    I absolutely LOVE hearing MEN criticize pornograpjy!!!

    • Rachel says:

      Me too. It is most refreshing!

      • CJRP says:

        Hi Lori and others of good will. Let me say as a man that I feel very encouraged by women criticizing this epic wave of female pornography consumption. As I have said, I do fear that we are fighting the last war by focusing only on male pornography consumption; it is now increasingly a plague on both sexes. The cultural tragedy of the Magic Mike phenomenon (which is not going away–unless we band together and fight it–with sequels and a Broadway musical that will travel across the country in the works) along with the 50 Shades of Grey explosion, indicate that porn use by women is reaching truly crisis proportions.

        Let me say that many men in many ways brought this on themselves, with the cult of Playboy and Penthouse that developed throughout the 1960’s and 1970’s. But there are many men who do not engage in it, and who see all porn use–male and female–as debasing and dehumanizing. Woman cannot be given a greenlight to objectify men on the basis that “that is just what men do to us.” First of all, two wrongs don’t make a right; and not all men–by a lot shot–do this to their women. Many see porn for what it is: debased perversity that debilitates the human spirit.

        But there are perhaps two bright spots–and oh, do I seek after bright spots, they being so few and far between it seems:

        a) Matthew McConnegy (sp?) one of the stars of the morally poisonous move Magic Mike is I think discrediting himself and showing himself to be an amoral pimp through the hideous movie Killer Joe he is now starring in: the movie has a full frontal rape scene (I am told) and is utterly repugnant. I hope that people can see that this is how pornography works: you mainstream one kind of perverse deviance–stripping–and you just get more perversity. Pornography grows, mutates and gets stronger: the cure is to remove it as much as possible. Can’t people see this? Magic Mike leads to a culture so degraded that rape scenes are unproblematic in movies. I just have to assume that people will see this.

        b) A recent report from Healthnews gives me cause for at least some optimism. Here is more good hard data we can draw on. I quote it below.

        THURSDAY, July 19 (HealthDay News) — Sex scenes in movies influence teens’ sexual behavior, new research suggests.

        In the study, U.S. researchers analyzed the sexual content of hundreds of top-grossing movies released between 1998 and 2004, and then asked more than 1,200 kids, aged 12 to 14, which of the movies they had seen.

        Six years later, the participants were surveyed to find out how old they were when they became sexually active and whether they engaged in risky sexual behaviors, such as not using condoms consistently and having multiple partners.

        Teens who were exposed to more sexual content in movies started having sex at younger ages, had more sex partners and were less likely to use condoms with casual sex partners, according to the study authors.

        In an attempt to determine how sex scenes in movies can affect teens’ sexual behavior, the researchers focused on a personality trait called sensation-seeking. This trait, which peaks between the ages of 10 and 15, refers to a tendency to seek new and intense forms of stimulation.

        The study, which is scheduled for publication in the journal Psychological Science, found that greater exposure to sexual content in movies at a young age led to a higher peak of sensation-seeking in adolescents. Among kids who are exposed to sex scenes in movies, sensation-seeking sexual behavior can last well into the late teens and even into the early 20s, the investigators found.

        “These movies appear to fundamentally influence their personality through changes in sensation-seeking, which has far-reaching implications for all of their risk-taking behaviors,” Ross O’Hara, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Missouri, said in a news release from the Association for Psychological Science.

        O’Hara conducted the study with other psychological researchers while at Dartmouth College.

        Sensation-seeking alone does not entirely explain how sexual content in movies influences teens’ sexual behavior, according to O’Hara and colleagues. They suggested that teens learn specific behaviors from sex scenes in movies. For example, many teens use movies to acquire “sexual scripts” that provide them with examples of how to behave when dealing with complicated emotional situations.

        While the study authors pointed out that the research does not prove a direct causal effect of movies on sexual behavior, the study “strongly suggests that parents need to restrict their children from seeing sexual content in movies at young ages,” O’Hara concluded in the news release.

        Read more: http://www.myfoxdfw.com/story/19062999/kids-sexual-behavior-influenced-by-movie-scenes-study#ixzz22sM9Hty9

  4. Lori8069 says:

    CJRP—

    I’m so thoroughly insulted by the pornography that degrades women that I must admit I haven’t given as much thought about the pornography that degrades men, and the whole sex-free-for-all aimed at both sexes that this stupid culture promotes nowadays.

    I really first noticed what you’re talking about several years ago, when a local TV late-night news cast ended with a piece about a sex-toy party that was being held for women, and most of them appeared to be married—it showed the women giggling like crazy over one toy after another, with the grand finale being one particularly large toy—I couldn’t believe that this had made it onto the news we usually watched—I was totally dumbfounded. I thought “How trashy and insane is this culture going to get???”—do women REALLY think that getting addicted to masturbation, the way that so many men are already, is going to be good for them—or for their marriages??? The average woman is like a child that gets sold one lie after another, because they lack an ability to have any overview about society—whether it be historical, sociological, or otherwise. The average person is someone who happily goes along with the big trends (like Rachel’s friends), and doesn’t stop and think where the trends will lead the whole culture eventually—I know this from having tried to discuss the pornography nightmare with college-educated women who are otherwise smart, who you can tell have never given this subject a single thought, practically. They wouldn’t dream of defending it, but they appear to have no ability to criticize it, either.

    It’s like pornography is a forest fire that’s out of control, that everyone’s just walking past as they go about their daily lives which they won’t bother to notice until it’s finally burning down their own house. A lot of things that are detrimental to society, like pornography, are initially promoted by “intellectuals” who imagine the average person as someone with all kinds of insight, that would always have enough maturity and common sense not to let the new thing get out of control, or let it damage them—but the end result is always the same—people embrace it without thinking, because they want to see themselves as modern and enlightened, and because the thing itself is just inherently bad all-around NOBODY can make it into anything good, because it’s “goodness” is completely fictional since it goes against God’s laws.

    You’re right to mention the tit-for-tat feature of pornography aimed a women, whether it be print or pictures, because this is how the simple mind of the average person works—they can’t imagine how an escalating war, where both sexes see how well they can use and abuse the other, couldn’t possibly add up to anything good for men, women or children. Every day is evidently totally separated in their minds from the day before and the day that will follow so that they don’t notice, for instance, how badly this culture has gone down-hill in the past (take your pick) 10, 20, 30, or 40 years. Rudeness, bullying, road rage—there’s a big list of things that really weren’t nearly as bad in the past. The “ghetto” feel that this entire culture displays now, due to the fact that something that used to be relegated to the industrial park side of town is now all over everyone’s computer, is now effectively making our whole collective culture into a bad neighborhood.

    Yes, even Hollywood movies influence popular opinions and beliefs—easily. It wasn’t for nothing that the Nazi’s made scores of propaganda films—your subconscious is wide-open, absorbing everything as if it’s fine, when you watch films on any subject, no matter what it is. On Matt’s interview on Catholic Answers, he and the host discussed whether pornography could possibly influence the way men see women, and it didn’t take long for Matt to compare it to advertising, which has billions spent on it each year—obviously if seeing and hearing things had no impact on anyone, then why would anyone bother spending their hard-earned money to promote their product. Today’s culture is like a big box of chocolates—half of which are nothing but poison that will kill you, spiritually speaking.

    • CJRP says:

      Lori: Thank you for your very thoughtful comments–as I have come to expect and admire from you. The degradation of women AND men is horrific. I am told that the annual pornography conventions in Las Vegas are overwhelmingly targeting women, and that women make up about 40% of all on line porn users; and that sex toys for women are a massive business. This is doubly detrimental. It degrades the moral conscience of women–and it is a massive stimulant to ever deeper usage of porn by men. Do women not think that men will feel insulted by this society-wide love affair with male strippers and this obsession with massive male members? Most men, of course, are not Channing Tatum and do not have massive members. In response to the insulting degradation of men by our culture, men–especially young men–retaliate by counter-objectification of women. The whole cult of Chippendales that developed in the 1980’s was one of the largest contributors to the development of on-line porn, and especially to its massive popularity. Of course, many, many men (alas!) would have used on line porn without being goaded into it as a way to salve their wounded sense of self by female aggressive objectification of men by this cult of male stripping. But the incredibly deep and all pervasive love affair with on line porn we see in men today is partly the result of otherwise sensible men, otherwise Godly and modest men, being deeply wounded by the aggressive lust of the so many women who now go to these strip shows and read these books and play with these (unrealistic) toys. For not all men naturally venture into porn: many do so as a way to retaliate against this feral behavior by so many women. These men are NOT to be encouraged down this path. They should not say that just because women now do it, they can do it as well. For there has to be some end to this cultural nightmare. Men and women of good will–like you, Rachel, Matt, myself (I pray), and others–must work together and say in unison: THIS HAS TO STOP.
      Pax, Lori.

      • Lori8069 says:

        What you’re saying about men being wounded by feral females is something I have heard before—not all men are aggressive and clueless with no sense of modesty, and pornography aimed at women, that makes women aggressive and clueless with no sense of modesty, certainly can’t have a good outcome, and you can see how this would make a more sensitive man turn to pornography.

        You’ll have to excuse me if I seem a little out of touch on some modern trends—I’m 52, a happily married housewife, have no children, haven’t worked in almost 20 years, and I live way out in the country. I’d never even seen someone use an i-phone before until I saw a woman looking up the lyrics for carols with one last year at a church Christmas party—so if I seem like a fuddy-duddy (does anyone even use that expression anymore) you know why.

        Even the thought of sex-toys nauseates me, and always has—and you’re 100% correct to say that women losing their natural modesty is really not good at all. Women’s modesty was good for various reasons, two of which are 1. Men tend to respect women who aren’t in-your-face sexual, like “Come on, lets go“ and from what I’ve heard from men I’ve known, this sort of aggressiveness tends to cause impotence, too. And 2. Men like to take the lead—Camille Paglia said something to the effect “What if men HAVE to be dominant, or they won’t “play” at all, like completely refuse to co-operate—“, which certainly made me stop and think when I heard it. This sexual equality (which has many aspects, and in this case I’m only talking about this specific thing) where women act as aggressively or more aggressively than men traditionally did, makes men “shut down” and go home—to their porn.

        I’ve seen this culture really change A LOT since I was young, and seeing women going out with their friends, drinking and hooting it up at strip joints, while their husbands look at porn on the computer at home makes me just hang and shake my head. But what can you expect—someone who’s say 30 years old at this point doesn’t remember what it was like in the 70’s, and can’t be expected to be able to compare what’s happening today with what was happening 40 years ago. I was 10 years old in 1970, bought everything I heard the Feminists say without question because I was so young that I had no actual life experience to make any argument against it, was totally shocked to see the Feminist movement give up on fighting pornography in the 80’s for the utterly lame excuse of money, and was shocked again a few years ago to go to the NOW website to see that nowadays Feminism is entirely about keeping abortion “safe and legal”—that’s it. So this is the message I got—We should fight male oppression and pornography because it degrades women, but now that we’ve thought about it, we’ve decided that porn is actually ok because we really like the money aspect, and if you’ve been harmed by casual sex, like having an unwanted pregnancy, just have an abortion—we’re keeping it all safe and legal for ya. What a great gift for the women of America—whored-down, sold down the river, and millions of aborted innocents and single-parent families.

        The sexual revolution is like a machine that takes a somewhat sensible society that goes in one end and makes it into a bacchanal that’s doomed to destruction that comes out the other end.

  5. CJRP says:

    Lori: You get it brilliantly. But I can’t believe that we cannot expect more from our culture. Despair is the sin against the holy spirit. We must believe that we can make some difference in this sewer-pit of a culture, if only by supporting, as we both do, Matt’s work and praying that others can be called up to echo his call.

    • Lori8069 says:

      My husband just told me that one of his work friend’s wives has trashed their marriage by having an affair with one of her youngest son’s friends—an 18-year-old boy with family problems, trouble at school, trouble with the law—and she’s in her mid 40’s, isn’t into partying or drinking, and was otherwise normal (whatever that means at this point) before this happened.

      So women really are losing their minds.

      Bob Crane was one of pornography first big casualties—he was a very popular TV star in the 60’s on a show called “Hogan’s Heroes” that was loved by young and old alike. He discovered video recording, and decided that it was perfect for saving all his numerous casual sexual encounters for posterity—the only problem was that the early equipment that he used was pretty complicated, and he needed a technician to operate it for him—so this video recording expert guy would go with him on his “dates” with women who were practically lining up around the block to have sex with a big star and the guy who was his side-kick. After years of this sort of life-style, he decided that it wasn’t the thing he wanted to do with the rest of his life, and thought he should seriously change his ways—but the guy who had been enjoying all the easy sex with him who had been needed to set up the camera REALLY didn’t want this “gravy train” to come to a stop, and was so incensed that Bob Crane wasn’t going to be partying with him any more that he broke into his motel room in the middle of the night and bludgeoned him to death while he slept with a tripod. So just when Bob Crane finally began to see the light, the Devil made sure he died in a state of profound sin. Our priest is always emphasizing that no one ever knows when they will die, and that’s why you need to try to make sure that you’re right with God NOW, and not later—when it could very well be too late.

      I am encouraged that ANYONE in this society at this point sees pornography as bad, and that anyone can triumph over their addiction to it—maybe this is a trend, people waking up to the fact that porn isn’t helping anything in the relationship between the sexes and really isn’t helping the relationship that humanity has with God.

  6. Matthew says:

    Great interview Matt. Really good to hear someone (other than me) speaking out against this filth. GB,
    Matthew

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